a club for those who are having problems with life and need some advice

I'm not even sure where to start. All I know is that I'm desperately in need of advice. My problem is a long and complicated one.



I'm 23, and have been lonely for as long as I can remember. My only ex seemed to be happy with the status quo, and in all the time we were together, never did more than put his arm around my shoulders. We broke up nearly four years ago.



Two weeks ago, I got together with a man I'll call Paul. We met online, exchanged a few emails and spent hours talking in IM. It was soon decided that we needed to meet in person, and since he lives close by, we did so the Thursday before Valentine's weekend. We clicked as well in person as we did online, and it was only three days after meeting in person that we decided to make the relationship official.



Since I'm completely inexperienced at romance, I really have no idea what I'm doing. My mother raised me and my brothers alone, so I had no parental example to refer to. I explained this to Paul, and while he was surprised, agreed that we should take things very slowly and communicate the whole time.



Here's where the story gets complicated. Paul and I have done a lot of talking about our respective pasts as well as our future goals. I want to save myself for marriage, and that includes any heavy petting. Paul, on the other hand, is anything but a virgin. In fact, he's very into BDSM and is openly sadistic, to the extent that his Submissive enjoys pain. I was terrified of the very notion at first, but have had time to process that, along with the fact that he's had a couple-ten women (I'm not exaggerating). I try not to think about that last bit. I've come to trust him, and he says he's clean, but will get another test to show me just in case.



This is a list of all that I'm concerned about regarding Paul: he's a sex addict through and through, he's a sadist (I'm NOT a masochist in any sense of the word), he doesn't have a college education, he's currently unemployed (laid off from his job as a long-haul trucker seven months ago) and living with his parents, we are of differing intensities regarding our respective religions (I'm dedicated, he's not) though we agree on many individual beliefs, he's very deeply in debt, and strange as it may seem to add this, he does often have a creepy feel to his mannerisms.



On the positive side though, he's heart-meltingly sweet. For example, my roommate doesn't like him at all, and when I approached him and asked if he'd mind if we spent time elsewhere, he agreed, no questions asked. He brought me flowers. He loves my body, which I'd concluded was a virtually impossible feat. When I asked him if there was anything he'd change about me, it'd be only that my self-confidence was higher. He has great difficulty restraining himself from spoiling me with nice restaurants and trinkets. He feels and acts very protective of me.



The most immediate problem is that we are both very physical people. We have discussed and set physical boundaries, but have a tendency to push the envelope. Each time this happens, I end up feeling guilty and afraid and he gets angry with himself for going too far. Tonight though, he tried to put his hand down my pants. I was in a position to be able to grab his wrist and pull him away so he didn't touch anything, but the attempt remains. To complicate this issue further, I was molested as a child by a person in a position of trust, so being unwillingly felt up is something that petrifies me.



I do not want to break up with him. He gave me my first kiss. He has made me so happy, and to finally have the attention of a man who loves me as I am is something I've only been able to dream of. On the other hand, I'm flat-out terrified of what may happen if we continue to take risks. We've already proven that our preset boundaries mean almost nothing when it comes time for them to be tested.



Please help!


-C